Barak and I had a moment yesterday when I am pretty sure he was being an average 5 year old and I was willing to act like one even though I know better (or at least I should). I will spare you and me the embarrassment of a long drawn out story other than to say I was trying to use a moment to teach something important and instead allowed a small chilish tantrum to take control as if that was going to speak to Barak in a profound way.
It was one of those moments I am sure you have experienced. While doing it you know this is not the best way to handle the situation. But for some reason the voice telling you to stop or slow down is drowned out. Then sometimes God will use the voice of a 5 year old to really bring attention to your dysfunction "DDDAAAAAADDDD, is that how we are suppose to treat the things we have?????"
BUSTED!!!!!
Because of pride I found myself in the office working on justifying my actions and minimizing them as if they were no big deal. Truth is, I knew I had dropped the ball. I knew I had allowed my emotions to get the better of me. I knew that the example I just set for my son would get him a spanking if he followed in my footsteps. So I did something that I thought would be painful but actually turned out to bring a smile on my face and I think God's.
I called Barak into the office and asked for his hands (this my way of knowing that I have his attention. He thought he was in trouble because we use this move then as well.) I looked him in the eyes and said,
"Barak, I am not proud of how I handled that situation back there. I am not proud that was upset with you. I wish I could do it over again and do it differently but I won't have that opportunity. I wanted to say I am sorry and I hope the next time we will both do things differently."
You want to know what he did? He looked at me in the eyes and said, "O.K., sounds fair." Gave me a hug and went back to the living room.
The truth is, we will all blow it relationally in some form or fashion and there will be a moment when you feel that the right thing to do is apologize for your actions (even if you feel you were right, you may be willing to admit that there was a better way to prove it).
Then you will more than likely feel that tension between wanting to make it right and wanting to be comfortable. What you must decide is if you want to be the best version of you or the version of you that is still willing to throw temper tantrums like a 5 year old.
I think when we stretch out to be the best version of ourselves we can be and are willing to embrace the discomfort for the sake of growth, our Heavenly Father looks at us with a smile and speaks words into our soul that makes a great difference, "Look at you, you are growing. I am so proud of you."
Heart and Soul,
BAG
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